{"id":29022,"date":"2023-02-14T12:15:18","date_gmt":"2023-02-14T12:15:18","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.hooplaimpro.com\/?post_type=resource&p=29022"},"modified":"2023-02-14T12:15:18","modified_gmt":"2023-02-14T12:15:18","slug":"make-better-friends-get-past-small-talk-according-professional-improviser","status":"publish","type":"resource","link":"https:\/\/www.hooplaimpro.com\/resource\/make-better-friends-get-past-small-talk-according-professional-improviser","title":{"rendered":"How to make better friends and get past small talk according to a professional improviser"},"content":{"rendered":"

I think improv is relevant far beyond the stage because improvisation is simply the art of acting without a script. And how often are we forced to do that in our everyday life? We are improvising all of the time! Especially in conversations or when we are trying to build new relationships.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Great conversationalists look super smooth and naturally gifted but, whether they realise it or not, they are actually using some simple techniques that anyone can learn. My world of improv pulls back the magician\u2019s curtain and shows you what they are.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

If you want to get past small talk and make better friendships, then it\u2019s about taking things deeper in the conversation. This doesn\u2019t have to be boring or heavy! It\u2019s simply about cutting to the emotional nub of the matter. So, how can you do that?<\/span><\/p>\n

It begins with paying close attention to the person. Improvising might seem like magic but it\u2019s simply about looking, listening, and then responding to the last thing the other person says. But we often skip those first two parts! Instead, we get stuck in our head thinking about what <\/span>we<\/span><\/i> are going to say next.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

But it\u2019s <\/span>what<\/span><\/i> we pay attention to that\u2019s most important. The true meaning of what another person is saying can be found in their body language, their vocal tone, or their specific word choice as they say it. Once you\u2019ve picked up on this emotional subtext, just call it out with a technique known as \u2018labelling.\u2019<\/span><\/p>\n

With labelling, you notice what the other person is doing or saying and respond with: \u2018You seem\u2026\u2019 or \u2018You sound\u2026\u2019 or \u2018You look\u2026\u2019, and then fill in the blank accordingly. I used this technique the other day in a conversation with a new friend. We were talking about a book by a quite famous author and while she wasn\u2019t using any specific words that made it sound like she didn\u2019t like it, <\/span>the way<\/span><\/i> she said it suggested exactly that. So, I said, \u2018You sound like you hate it!\u2019 And it turns out she did! Our conversation quickly got beyond vague banalities and onto ground where I could really get to know her.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Another thing great conversationalists do is they ask great questions. Not generic boring questions like, \u2018What are you doing this weekend?\u2019 But questions inspired by their curiosity about the other person. Questions that tend to begin with: \u2018how?\u2019 or \u2018what?\u2019 or \u2018why?\u2019 This not only takes the pressure off you, the other person loves it, because they feel important. And most of all, by asking great questions, you help them get to know <\/span>themselves<\/span><\/i> better.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

But great conversations work two ways, so you are going to have to show up with some vulnerability yourself. This doesn\u2019t mean you have to confess every dark secret, it\u2019s just about being authentic in the moment: giving the other person the unvarnished truth about what you think, feel, or do. A simple way of doing that is to respond to what another person says with, \u2018That reminds me\u2026\u2019 and then fill in the blank with a personal experience. Without this reciprocity you\u2019ll never build intimate connection. As the writer Brene Brown once put it, showing empathy is not about saying \u2018poor you\u2019 it\u2019s about saying, \u2018me too.\u2019 And empathy is the foundation of better friendships.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Max Dickins is author of\u00a0Improvise! Use the Secrets of Improv to Achieve Extraordinary Results at Work<\/em>\u00a0which is out now. He is co-director of improvisation training company\u00a0Hoopla<\/a>! Hoopla run\u00a0improv classes<\/a>,\u00a0shows<\/a>\u00a0and\u00a0corporate training<\/a>.<\/strong><\/p>\n

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